Motherhood: the ultimate duality of new beginnings.

Reflections

Lately, life has been a blur of feeding, holding, soothing, changing diapers, little smiles and giggles and rediscovering what it means to take care of myself while deeply caring for someone else.

Motherhood has stripped me down and opened me up all at once. I’m in awe of the duality of it all, how something can feel both sacred and shattering, full and depleting, expansive and confining. I knew, consciously, that this would be the case. But unconsciously, I had no idea what it would feel like to live inside of it.

Every day suhumbles me a little more with reminders that life can feel both too fast and endlessly long at the same time. I want sweet moments when Iyla is laughing to last forever and nights with multiple wake ups to hurry up.

So much of motherhood is that paradox, to be both exhausted and energized, grateful and overwhelmed, connected and isolated. I’m grateful for my community yet often feel alone in the quiet rhythm of breastfeeding. I mourn my old life while knowing, deep down, I wouldn’t trade this one for the world.

I love being Iyla’s mom.

And while I believe purpose can expand far beyond motherhood, it’s impossible to ignore how this experience has shifted my perspective on what truly matters.

Iyla when she was two weeks old

Mindset

For years, I’ve prided myself on a daily meditation practice, it became a piece of my identity. Yet even with nine months to “prepare” for motherhood, nothing could fully prepare me for the way it rearranges time.

There are days when I miss that uninterrupted stillness, when the idea of a 20-minute meditation feels like another lifetime. But knowing it’s temporary somehow makes it both better and worse. Better, because I know the spaciousness I had will return. Worse, because I know she won’t always be this little.

Lately, my practice looks different. It's unpredictable between spit ups and blow outs with little time or energy for my practice. When I can, I'm reminding myself to focus on breathing consciously, feeling the air around me, slowing down for one moment. Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, calming my nervous system. I find I can do this while still holding Iyla which I've found also helps regulate her nervous system. That, in itself, has become its own mini meditation, one of presence and surrender to the season of motherhood.

Humans naturally crave a sense of security, the belief that planning ahead or knowing what to expect will help us feel more at ease. But, I learned during a retreat at Esalen with James Baraz, real freedom comes from recognizing and accepting that we never truly know how life will unfold. What once felt unsettling has become a quiet teacher: reminding me that the more I can soften into life’s unpredictability the more peace I find within it.

From My Kitchen

About six weeks postpartum, I started craving being in the kitchen again. Not a particular food or meal but just the rhythm of creating, anything. I’ve always loved spending my day dreaming up new recipes (even as a child) and bringing them to life, though lately those moments are few and far between.

One Sunday morning, with no agenda, I finally felt that pull again. I’m sure I made a few easy things before then, a frozen meal, postpartum prepped curry, but this was the first time I truly got into flow again. And even though it wasn’t anything speculator that required technique, it was more than scrambling a few eggs. Eric watched Iyla while I made an unapologetic mess of dishes for two Chili crisp miso egg sando’s.

I’ve always loved cooking Asian-inspired dishes. With Indian roots and a culinary school externship at a Chinese restaurant, I’m naturally drawn to the umami, tangy, spicy flavor Asian cuisine naturally has. Plus I can add miso to almost anything, savory or sweet.

🍳 Recipe: Chili Crisp Miso Egg Sandwich

(This recipe is designed for personal edits — make it your own.)

Umami packed and a bit acidic with toasty exterior and fluffy interior

Serves 2

Ingredients

• 4 large eggs

• 2 tsp miso paste

• 2 tsp coconut aminos

• 2 English muffins, toasted

• 1 tbsp gochujang

• Toum spread (or mayo)

• 3 tsp chili crisp

• 1 cup kale, chopped

• 1 tsp lemon juice

• 2 chicken sausage patties

• Salt & pepper, to taste

Process

1. Prep the Kale: Toss chopped kale with lemon juice and massage until tender. Stir in chili crisp to coat.

2. Whisk + Steam the Eggs: In a bowl, whisk miso and coconut aminos. Add the eggs and whisk gently. Filter through fine mesh for a softer egg (optional). Steam in a pan (with lid and splash of water) or basket for about 10 minutes until fluffy.

3. Toast + Layer: Spread gochujang on one side of a toasted English muffin and toum on the other.

4. Assemble: Layer sausage, fluffy eggs, and chili crisp kale. Top with the other muffin half.

Eat warm. Eat slowly. Feel nourished.

Mind/Full reminder

My rhythm will return in its own time. What matters most is the awareness I bring to the moment I am in.

Things I’m Into Lately

Because nourishment goes beyond the kitchen here are a few things I’ve been loving lately for mind, body and baby:

• Oura Ring - tracking sleep, recovery, and energy has helped me tune into my body more kindly. I especially love how it tracks my stress levels - on days I'm extra stressed I do something to relax my mind and body. My link for 10% off

• SuppCo - for supplement quality and transparency. I love knowing exactly what I’m putting into my body. Since supplements aren’t regulated by the FDA, anyone can technically create and market them, which means quality can vary widely. SuppCo does the research for you, verifying ingredient integrity and brand transparency so you can trust what you’re taking.

• Pacha Buckwheat Bread - fiber-rich, gut-friendly, and the perfect base for miso eggs or avocado toast mornings. 20% off here. The hype around protein, in my opinion, is a little overrated, the real MVP is fiber. In many Southeast Asian diets, there’s been a shift away from traditional high-fiber, plant-rich foods toward more refined carbs and animal proteins or fats, a transition that correlates with rising metabolic disease. While protein is important, many people already get enough (or even too much, especially with more Westernized eating patterns). The bigger gap is fiber, and it’s one that affects everything from gut health to energy, hormones, and longevity.

  Especially for Southeast Asian women, the study linked below is worth a read.

• Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen - a gentle reminder that peace comes from awareness, not control. I love highlighting parts of the book that stick with me, this one lives rent free in my head: “The path to peace is not to pursue certainty but to relax into uncertainty.”

• Magnetic Me & Posh Peanut - soft, adorable baby clothes that stretch as little girl grows. Posh peanut also has the ruffle butts which are just so cute.

*South East Asian Gene Diet Interactions on Metabolic Disease related outcomes.

I’ll be using this space to share more reflections, recipes, and real moments from this season...what I’m learning, what I’m eating, what’s helping me stay grounded.

If any of this resonates, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment if there’s something you want me to write about, a question you’ve been sitting with or even an ingredient you’d like to see turned into a recipe.

For now, I’m just finding my rhythm - one breath, one meal, one moment at a time.

xoxo,

Ajinder